Archive for the ‘Robots’ Category

And I feel fine

Saturday, July 7th, 2007

In case you’re looking for new things to worry about, here’s a list of eight ways life on Earth could end in the 21st century.

Decepticons are not specifically mentioned, but “Robots Take Over The World” is #5 on the list. Such an event would, on top of everything else, exacerbate the health-care crisis, since robots eat old people’s medicine for fuel.

P.S. The “list,” which I found on Fark, is actually based on a four-year-old book. You can read some previous articles about it here and here.

God, I love Drudge sometimes

Friday, April 27th, 2007


It’s an important question to ask. After all, when they grab you with those metal claws, you can’t break free, because they’re made of metal, and robots are strong.

That clip never gets old.

But of more immediate concern than thievery of old people’s medicine, according to the linked article, is the possibility that someday soon, “your vacuum cleaner might be able to sue you for not giving it a lunch break.” But would your vacuum cleaner hire a robot attorney? Now that’s what I call a “different kind of lawyer.”

Dick Cheney is strong

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

The Evening Standard asks: Will a blood clot force Cheney to step down?

Oh, who are we kidding? Dick Cheney has been dead for years. (He spends all his time in an underground “undisclosed location”… does he sound alive to you??) The guy sitting next to Pelosi at the State of the Union was one of his robotic body doubles. This “blood clot” is clearly just a ruse to get more old people’s medicine to fuel the Cheney-bots. (That was also the motivation for the Prescription Drug Bill, by the way.) It’s only a matter of time before the Robotic Dick Cheney Army launches its attack on the unsuspecting populace… and when Dick Cheney grabs you with his metal claws, you can’t break free, because they’re made of metal, and Dick Cheney is strong.

A terrifying message from Al Gore

Monday, July 3rd, 2006

You’re either with us, or you’re with the robots

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006

You’d think the robots would be happy with us, given that the Medicare prescription drug benefit assured them of a virtually unlimited supply of fuel. But noooo, you can’t appease the robot menace! You give them an inch, they’ll take the Sudetenland! Now the robots are joining forces with the terrorists:

It may sound like science fiction, but the prospect that suicide bombers and hijackers could be made redundant by flying robots is a real one, according to experts.

The technology for remote-controlled light aircraft is now highly advanced, widely available — and, experts say, virtually unstoppable.

Well, of course they’re “virtually unstoppable”! Robots are strong! Jeez, people, why didn’t you listen to Sam Waterston when you had the chance?!?

Just wait until the zombies join forces with the robots and the terrorists. Now that would be an “axis of evil.”

[Someday, I might decide that these robot jokes have gotten old. But not today. -ed.]

UPDATE: The Confederate Yankee illustrates the threat we face from the zombie-robot-terrorist axis.

P.S. Welcome, InstaPundit readers! Please have a look around.


6-mile-long salmon wins Washington quarter poll

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006

The Washington State quarter voting has concluded, and now that the initial fraudulent flood of pro-RoboWhale votes has been discounted, the winner is the choice I endorsed in the first place: the giant salmon preparing to eat Mount Rainier.

Heh. Hooray!

It was a close vote — though not quite as close as that other fishy Washington state election :) — with the mountain-devouring salmon design defeating the boring map design, 45% to 41%. RoboWhale (a.k.a. Whale Plane), the favorite of the old-people’s-medicine-eating Internet robots who hijacked the vote early last month, received just 14% of the vote. (“Fraud!” cried the maddened robots, and the echo answered, “Fraud!”)

More here. Technically, the vote is non-binding. Gov. Christine Gregoire will “consider the results before selecting a winner,” according to an earlier article.

Another fishy election in Washington state

Sunday, April 9th, 2006

They’re having an election in the Evergreen State, and you can vote in it — if you can get this site to load (it’s very slow at the moment). The election is for the design of the state quarter, and right now, this hideous thing has an enormous lead:

Apparently it’s based on Native American art or something, but uh, frankly, it’s ugly, IMHO. On Fark, they’re calling it the “Robo-Whale” or the “Whale Plane.” Heh. Amazingly, with over a million votes cast, it has more than 60% of the vote right now! (And you can’t blame those silly Farkers; only 1,597 people had clicked on the Fark link at last check, so most of the votes are coming from somewhere else. Possibly from “robots”; see below.)

Personally, I would advise Washingtonians, if they want to avoid national ridicule a la Wisconsin (mooo!), to vote for #2, which presently has just under 30% of the vote:

Yeah, it’s a little silly-looking — “Next week on It Could Happen Tomorrow: a giant fish eats Mount Rainier!” — but it’s way better than the Robo-Whale.

Personally, I’m surprised there isn’t an option featuring a picture of a referee accepting a bribe. :)

P.S. You gotta love the security measures on this thing. Their chosen method of preventing voter fraud is an earnest plea: “Please only vote one time per person.” Heh. It’s like the Honor Code writ large. Trust the voters! Yeah, that’ll work. (Insert gratuitous King County joke here.)

UPDATE: Apparently the results of the online poll are not binding. According to the Seattle Times, “The deadline for voting is April 30. Gov. Christine Gregoire will consider the results before selecting a winner.” Which, coincidentally, is precisely what a state judge did when he put Gregoire in office!

(Just kidding! I believe Gregoire’s election was legitimate — as legitimate as a statistically tied election can ever be, anyway; see also: Florida 2000 — and most of the objections thereto were trumped-up partisan nonsense, as I’ve expained before. But I couldn’t resist the cheap, obvious joke. Hehe.)

Anyway, more on the quarters here and here.

UPDATE 2: Stefan Sharkansky of Sound Politics, an anti-Gregoire site, writes: “The system appears to allow people to vote as many times as they want to, or even run scripts that automatically vote repeatedly. … #3 is winning, with an implausible 574,896 votes out of 952,884 cast at this writing. The number of votes appears to be increasing by more than 20 per second, strongly suggesting that one or more robots are stacking the vote.”

Not only that, but they eat old people’s medicine for fuel! And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can’t break free, because they’re made of metal, and robots are strong. :) God, that skit never gets old…

P.P.S. You can also vote for Montana’s quarter. No word on any possible robot involvement in that election.

Robots are strong

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

It’s only a matter of time before they start eating old people’s medicine for food.

Robot overlord update

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006

Continuing on an earlier theme… Ann Althouse is worried about robots. (Hat tip: Insty.)

Speaking of which, here’s a video clip of that SNL ad with Sam Waterston. “For when the metal ones come for you. And they will.” Heh.

Robots are our friends

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006

Upon reading this story, is anyone else picturing the same old Saturday Night Live commercial that I am? The one where that Law & Order guy urges seniors to buy his company’s insurance, which provides coverage against robot attacks?

I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

Bush lied, robots died!

Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

It’s a back-door draft — of robots!

Oh, the humanity circuitry!