In a gross miscalculation, Brendan has handed over the keys to the kingdom—to a brigand of wild literary stylists from the comment board no less. (By “literary stylists,” I mean those who tend not to fall into traps like “standardized spelling” & “ standardized grammar.”) With just the barest of “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” speeches, he has let us loose on the great blogging world—to wreak unabashed silliness, tongue-in-cheek commentary, wild banter and utter havoc upon the world that has come to expect actual journalism from this fine bedrock establishment of navel gazing!

As the Washington D.C. area correspondent, I assure you that I will not take my mission to talk about important local affairs seriously. In fact, so committed to this charge am I that I shall strive to take nothing upon which I post too seriously. Of course, such a charge would be difficult to carry out if not for one simple fact; I rarely take much of anything too seriously. Because Brendan is going out of town for a while, I shall strive to cover more comic elements while leaving the more touchy subjects to those more interested in starting flame wars. And now, there shall be more after the break… [The preceding has been approved for all audiences. The proceeding has been rated PG by me]

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Fark’s photoshoppers strike again, offering suggestions for how to save Star Trek. My personal favorite:

Heh. More here.

What would America look like if we had never left the British Empire? The fine photoshoppers at Fark.com show us. Heh.

On an unrelated note, don’t miss the funniest error page ever. Again, heh.

First, watch the Club for Growth’s TV commercial comparing Bush to Reagan (available in Windows Media, Real Video, or Quick Time).

Then, read the Daily Show’s punch line:

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Finally, the Supreme Court gets something right:

WASHINGTON, DC—In a historic decision with major implications for the future of U.S. participatory democracy, the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 Monday that the American people are unfit to govern.

The controversial decision, the first of its kind in the 210-year history of U.S. representative government, was, according to Justice David Souter, “a response to the clear, demonstrable incompetence and indifference of the current U.S. citizenry in matters concerning the operation of this nation’s government.”

Heh.

Then there’s this:

In an effort to streamline degradation of the American populace and consolidate all forms of bureaucratic hassle into one convenient mailing, federal officials announced Monday that, beginning in 2005, the government will issue all citizens an annual “Screw You” packet.

Not to mention the Reagan Pyramid and the new Georgia State Flag. A good issue of The Onion this week.

From Fark, regarding this story: “Supreme Court allows Dick Cheney to duck those hunting his energy task-force files. Quack quack.” Heh.

“I’m half Irish and half Lebanese, so you know what that means: I’m a drunken terrorist.” –some stand-up comic

In an e-mail advertisement for a movie/music/software download site, the following text appears, presumably in an attempt (successful, in my case at least) to get past the spam-filters by confusing the heck out of them:

scarlet programmable jugoslavia bloody intangible almanac ellipsis whimsey dilute repeater affluent baku cut embroider christopher bluff beatify skyrocket blaze amtrak fir whitaker baden damsel rawboned cartographic ethic

washburn mccann story burgher over upstart acetone chairperson chalcedony tuskegee colloq absorbent gaiety malocclusion fascist invocate alton strobe santo hayward precedent lenten message cautious diacritic behead arsenate abominate …

tart afresh moiseyev fish pampa shipboard snip aphrodite anagram char fig tubule clarify cytology moyer lykes treasonous built birgit phagocyte aryl

car downfall partook washy cavort walden demarcate countrywide connecticut mud reef congeal with celanese baird bathrobe valedictory company carport decolletage parliamentary penultimate faulkner biddy chip bach congo augustine despotic thrifty cocktail fortuitous katmandu scription attestation columbine edwina bantu adam slur

I think my favorite phrase is “bloody intangible almanac ellipsis whimsey.” Either that, or “story burgher over upstart acetone chairperson.” Oh, and let’s not forget “countrywide connecticut mud reef congeal with celanese baird bathrobe.”

Okay, so maybe I’m the only person amused by this, but I find it hilarious. And really, isn’t that enough? :)

I can’t possibly improve on Fark’s headline for this story: “French electrical workers cut power to Eiffel Tower, Champs-Elysees. France surrenders.”

Fark.com headline for this story: “Geologists find crater under Chesapeake Bay, likely caused by Ted Kennedy falling off pier in drunken stupor.” Heh.

From whitehouse.gov, via Wonkette:

I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. You’re doing a heck of a job. You cut your teeth here, right? That’s where you started practicing? That’s good. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.

President Bush: Steady leadership in times of change. (But what kind of change…?)

Submit your ideas to the Late Show’s online Top Ten contest: Top Ten Least-Exciting Drudge Report Headlines.

According to The Onion, the problems with electronic voting machines include “Recurring pop-up screen that reads, ‘People who voted for John Kerry also ordered these products from Amazon.com.’” Heh.

Heh.

“Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot. Nous n’avons pas vote pour lui.”