Archive for the ‘NFL CheerleaderSexGate’ Category

Michael Vick is smrt.

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007

I would hate to be Michael Vick right now. I mean I would realllllly hate to be him.

His brother is a thug. He’s a thug. A huge thug.

And now this.

He is toast. And rightly so. The things he “allegedly” put those dogs through is despicable.

CheerleaderSex: “hot lesbian action” theory revived!

Monday, February 27th, 2006

Following up on HotCheerleaderLesbianSexGate, the story that captivated the blogosphere (or at least its horny heterosexual male contingent) last fall, The Smoking Gun has obtained the police reports from the incident, including witness statements which seem to cast a considerable amount of doubt on the ex-cheerleader Angela Keathley’s claim that fellow ex-cheerleader Renee Thomas was merely “comforting her” after she ran into an ex-boyfriend at Banana Joe’s bar in Tampa last November. This statement is particularly, um, compelling:

Amanda Miner stated that she was in the ladies restroom waiting to use the restroom when she noticed that two females were engaged in what she believed to be sexual activity in one of the bathroom stalls. Miner said that defendant Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was over the stall wall. She observed Keathley’s facial expressions and saw her eyes rolling back into her head. Miner said that Keathley was moaning as a person does during sexual activity. Miner further stated that one of the girls that was in the front of the line looked over the stall wall and told everyone that one of the girls was “Going Down” on the other.

Well, hey, maybe she was comforting her, come to think of it. That’s one way to take a person’s mind off an old flame! :)


Renee Thomas, left, and Angela Keathley, right: Did they or didn’t they?

Actually, the best part of the police report is what comes immediately after the above-quoted excerpt. The officer summarizing the witness’s statement felt the need to clarify: “‘Going Down’ is slang for oral sex.” Heh.

Anyway, that version of events (corroborated by two other witness statements) certainly doesn’t seem to jive with the ex-cheerleaders’ insistence that there was “no sex” (unless perhaps they’ve retained Bill Clinton as counsel), and that the “moaning” heard by the people waiting in line was really the sound of the traumatized Keathley crying. Standing on top of a toilet and letting your eyes roll back in your head does not seem the most obvious way to react to being “emotional” after running into an ex-boyfriend… but the hotties are sticking to their guns:

“My client has previously denied that any sexual activity ever took place in that bathroom stall and she denies it again,” [Thomas’s lawyer] Pete Anderson said Wednesday. “The sex never happened. The police reports released on Wednesday were based upon witness statements that are simply not credible. We believe a number of other witness statements were taken where the individuals denied that the cheerleaders were having sex.” Anderson said Keathley and her lawyer joined in the statement.

Seriously, Angela and Renee… it’s not too late to reconsider that Penthouse offer…

Previous blogospheric discussion of the Smoking Gun statements can be found here. As you can see, I’m several weeks behind the curve on this one; the reports appeared on The Smoking Gun on February 1, but I only found out about it just now, by chance. (Surely someone must have seen this. No e-mail tips? Throw me a freakin’ bone here! :) Sorry for the delay… but “better late than never” is my philosophy, particularly when the topic is hot NFL cheerleaders allegedly having lesbian sex in a public bathroom stall.

Oh, and if anyone is offended by my coverage of this story… uhh… sorry… but, well, you know what I said about the “horny heterosexual male contingent” of the blogosphere? Yeah, well, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I’m not still a part of that contingent. :) Anyway, I promise I won’t post anything else about this story… until something else awesome happens… :)

Hot lesbian cheerleaders: they’re baaaack!

Thursday, January 19th, 2006

I knew there was a good reason I chose Andrew to be my best man. Many thanks to Mr. Long for alerting me to the crucially important fact that there have been new developments in the hot lesbian cheerleader sex story.

It is being widely reported that Angela Keathley — the brunette — has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and obstructing a police officer. But according to the Charlotte Observer, that’s not quite correct:

A former Carolina Panthers cheerleader arrested after a November fight at a Tampa, Fla., nightclub has been accepted into a six-month diversion program for first-time offenders that could get the charges against her dropped.

Angela Keathley will receive six months probation, must perform 32 hours of community service, write an apology to Tampa police and pay court fees, said assistant state attorney Pam Bondi.

If Keathley completes the program and stays out of trouble during the next six months, the charges of disorderly conduct and obstructing or opposing a police officer would be removed from her record, Bondi said.

She did not have to enter a guilty plea to join the program.

Blogger Tom Moran at CelticProgressive says the Panthers should re-hire Keathley:

Now that the legal part of her case is over, I think Ms. Keathley should get her job back — don’t you? After all, if one of the players had been sentenced to probation after a minor scuffle in a bar, you can bet your ass that he’d still be on the team. It’s only the rankest hypocrisy that gives a woman greater punishment than a man for the same offense.

Meanwhile, the blonde, Renee Thomas, has pleaded not guilty to battery, presenting a false driver’s license, and giving a false name, causing harm to others. She has another court appearance on Feb. 15.

Thomas has also been sued in civil court by Melissa Holden, the woman she allegedly punched. Holden wants $15,000 in damages for her injuries. Thomas is countersuing for defamation, saying Holden falsely claimed the cheerleaders were having lesbian sex. “It was the false allegation in regards to the sexual activity that spun things out of control,” said Thomas’s attorney, Peter Anderson. (“You have no idea,” responded every heterosexual man in America.)

You know, Renee, if you had accepted Penthouse‘s offer, that would have been a much surer way to collect money than countersuing. Just saying.

The Hater Nation has thoughts on the story, as does Deadspin.

CheerleaderSex update

Saturday, November 12th, 2005

Hot lesbian cheerleader Angela Keathley — er, that is to say, hot possibly-lesbian ex-cheerleader Angela Keathley — denies she had sex with fellow hot possibly-lesbian ex-cheerleader Renee Thomas in a Tampa nightclub last weekend, according to the Tampa Tribune.

Angela is the brunette; Renee is the blonde. Angela — speaking through her attorney, Joe Piscopo Episcopo — says she wasn’t moaning, she was crying:

One of two former Carolina Panthers cheerleaders arrested in a Channelside nightclub bathroom said Thursday that she was crying over running into an ex-boyfriend — not having sex with her teammate — when a fracas erupted over the women sharing a stall.

Angela Keathley, 26, of Charlotte, N.C., released the statement through Tampa lawyer Joe Episcopo. “She just wanted to make clear there was no sex,” he said.

At least two women alleged in a Tampa police report that they heard moaning in a Banana Joe’s bathroom stall about 2 a.m. Sunday and thought Keathley and Victoria Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., were having sex. Another woman thought Thomas was drunk and ill.

Episcopo offered another version of events: Keathley became “emotional” over meeting her ex-boyfriend in the bar. “The blonde was comforting her,” he said.

Okay… let’s do a little experiment here. Raise your hand if you’ve heard what lesbian sex sounds like. Okay, hands down. Now, raise your hand if you’ve heard what one woman comforting another woman while she’s crying sounds like. Okay, hands down. Now, raise your hand if you think the two things sound remotely like one another. Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.

Anyway, that Angela (through her attorney) is referring to Renee as “the blonde” reminds me of Bill Clinton referring to Monica Lewinsky as “that woman,” and it doesn’t seem like a good sign for the likelihood of their Penthouse photo shoot ever actually happening. Please, ladies, America needs you!!! Do it for our boys in Iraq!!! :)

The Tribune adds this tidbit: “Meanwhile, to capitalize on its sudden notoriety, Banana Joe’s is offering no cover charge on Fridays and Saturdays to patrons who dress as cheerleaders. Actual cheerleaders who are 21 or older can drink free, said Bridgette Collier, director of operations.” Heh.

This story also inspired a Late Show Top Ten list the other night.

(Hat tip: the National Ledger and DeadSpin, which comments: “Clearly Angela continues to fail to understand the world as she now knows it. She says she doesn’t want to lose her nursing job. Honey, we know how much nurses make. We assure you … there’s more money out there for you right now. A lot. So just tell the truth. We can take it. We’re gonna need specifics, however.”)

Ex-cheerleader denies hot girl-on-girl action

Wednesday, November 9th, 2005

The Charlotte Observer (subscription required) throws cold water on the wildest fantasies of every heterosexual man in America:

One of the two former Carolina Panthers cheerleaders arrested over the weekend in a Tampa nightclub denies the pair were having sex in a restroom stall, her lawyer said Tuesday. …

Peter Anderson, [Renee] Thomas’ attorney, issued a statement Tuesday:

“This was an unfortunate incident which has generated numerous rumors and inaccurate facts. Miss Thomas denies all allegations of any sexual conduct. … Miss Thomas apologizes to everyone affected by the incident including the Carolina Panthers, the City of Charlotte, Ms. Holden and the Tampa Police Department.”

Melissa Holden is the woman whom police say Thomas punched. She has a black eye.

Another woman, Jennifer Chaconas, told the Observer Tuesday that she was in the bathroom and believes the cheerleaders were not having sex. She said she could tell the women were dressed and the brunette — later identified as [Angela] Keathley — told the angry crowd her friend was having a problem.

“They are in enough trouble,” she said. “I don’t want them getting smeared.”

Three other witnesses told police they believed the women were engaged in sexual activity.

Well, by my count, the “lesbian sex” story is still ahead, 3 to 2. (The lawyer doesn’t count; only his client does.) And when you consider that the entire heterosexual male population of the planet is surely voting for “lesbian sex,” it’s gotta be more like 3,000,000,003 to 2, right? Whatever, we win. :)

Meanwhile…

Penthouse magazine is trying to convince them to pose nude.

Kathleen Berzon, a spokeswoman for the adult publication, said the magazine is “working very diligently to achieve its goal of shooting a nude pictorial” of the former cheerleaders. She would not say how much money the magazine had offered the women.

Rest assured, BrendanLoy.com will diligently stay on top of this story. :)

UPDATE: In other “news“:

In light of the news that two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after having sex with each other in a nightclub bathroom over the weekend, the Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders have challenged Carolina’s TopCats to a pay-per-view “Skank-Off” with the hopes of regaining their reputation as the NFL’s skankiest cheer squad.

Heh.

Pirate pics

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005

One of the passengers on the cruise ship attacked by pirates managed to snap several decent pictures of the scurvy scum:

Now if only we could get some photos from the front lines of the cheerleader incident. :)

Hot lesbian cheerleaders now hot lesbian ex-cheerleaders

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005

The Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who were arrested yesterday in an incident that stemmed from their allegedly having sex with each other in a public restroom at a bar have been fired.

As I said yesterday, I suspect there will be no shortage of lucrative offers being thrown at these young ladies. It’s just a question of how drastic a change of profession they are willing to tolerate. :)

P.S. Heh: “When we first read the story of the two red hot Carolina Panther cheerleaders arrested at a bar called ‘Banana Joes’ for engaging in steamy girl-on-girl sex in a public restroom, we evaluated whether or not the story was Independent Sources material. No amount of sensual, physical, grinding action would make it appropriate for Independent Sources unless there was a connection to California politics, greedy plaintiff attorneys, or bad economic policy. Despite long, deep embraces, passionate open-mouth kisses, and the wildest, most mind-blowing, heart stopping female-on-female action, we just didn’t see how it fit into this site. We’re not even going to use obvious puns like ‘fantasy’ football or ‘backfields in motion.’ Nope, we are taking the high road all of the way and hope you our readers appreciate it.”

Needless to say, a lengthy roundup of CheerleadersLesbianSexGate links follows. Profiles here.

You can’t make this stuff up

Monday, November 7th, 2005

Cheerleaders arrested for girl-on-girl action:

Two Carolina Panthers’ cheerleaders were arrested early Sunday after a confrontation with other nightclub customers and police.

The trouble started, a police report said, after the women tied up a restroom while allegedly having sex with each other at Banana Joe’s in the Channelside plaza.

On second thought, you can make this stuff up, and there are lots of websites out there that do, but they’re not exactly family-friendly… :)

UPDATE: Mugshots here.

P.S. Something tells me these ladies are going to be out of work soon… and sometimes tells me they’re going to have plenty of new offers of employment, albeit in a slightly different industry… :)

UPDATE 2: Outside The Beltway has a good CheerleaderLesbianSexGate roundup.