Today is the anniversary of my last trip to the World Trade Center — June 3, 2001, exactly 100 days before Sept. 11. I think I’ll go visit the Empire State Building today, in observance of the occasion, and bring the teddy bear I bought at the WTC one year ago, Unity Bear.

India and Pakistan are on the verge of nuclear war, and we’re worrying about scuba-diving terrorists. I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking that some “informant” at Camp X-Ray is laughing his ass off about now.

CNN keeps showing us live pictures of Lady Liberty, as if they expect her to blow up at any moment. Meanwhile, India and Pakistan are “very close” to war. Aren’t they always?

If you’ve been watching CNN or visiting its website lately, you could be excused for believing that every American will inevitably suffer one of two fates this summer: we’ll either be blown up by terrorists, or eaten by sharks.

However, CNN is giving us some calming news on at least one front: Al Qaeda did not attend the “terror summit” in Beirut, contrary to what ABC News said earlier. So maybe Osama isn’t really conspiring with Hamas and Hezbollah to wreak havoc at the Hello Deli. Then again, maybe he is. As Tom Ridge says, we must be “vigilant.” (What does that mean, anyway?)

Meanwhile, the Ashcroft Justice Department is actually suing someone over the 2000 election in Florida. And, in cola-related news, Coca-Cola is apparently racist, and some Iranian company is now selling “Islamic” Coke. (Does that mean Vanilla Coke is officially a drink for infidels?)

…but I don’t believe this threat to the Statue of Liberty and the Brooklyn Bridge is legit. Lady Liberty is a great symbol, but bringing her down wouldn’t kill very many Americans — the statue itself isn’t open to tourists these days, and a lot of the tourists on Liberty Island are probably foreigners. And, in case we all forgot, Al Qaeda likes to do more than destroy American symbols — it also likes to kill lots of Americans.

The Brooklyn Bridge is somewhat more plausible, especially if the attack were planned for rush hour… but here’s another theory. Maybe the Al Qaeda detainees who planted this piece of “intelligence” are deliberately trying to distract New York authorities so they won’t be paying attention to the apartment buildings stuffed with bombs, the ship heading into the harbor with nukes, the guy on the subway with smallpox, or whatever. Call me crazy, but I think it’s a diversionary tactic. That doesn’t particularly reassure me, but that’s what I think.

Apparently the prime targets are the Statue of Liberty and the Brooklyn Bridge, according to MSNBC.com. But the warning “is based on nonspecific, undated and unverified information,” and “federal officials cautioned they placed little stock” in the threat. Sounds like CNN’s breaking-news alert was a little alarmist.

An ABC News exclusive: Leaders of terror groups, including al Qaeda, Hamas and Hezbollah, recently met in Lebanon and may be plotting attacks on Americans, intelligence officials say.

But here’s some good news: Coconuts are deadlier than sharks.

In the last three days, we’ve had government officials telling us that terrorists will inevitably attack again soon, that they will inevitably use West Bank-style suicide bombs, and that they will inevitably use weapons of mass destruction… and that we can’t really do anything about it. It will just happen.

Of course, this is all true… I could have told you that. But what happened to all the false bravado about rooting out terror, defeating terrorists, winning the war on terrorism, defending the homeland, etc.? Did the entire Bush Administration drink a truth serum or something? And if so, why? I sort of liked the phony reassurances!

Citing an “abundance of caution,” FBI alerts NYC authorities to be ready for possible terror attacks against landmarks, sources tell CNN.

I had dinner at an Indian restaurant today. It was yummy. In a related story, India and Pakistan are going to blow each other up.

In similarly cheerful news, suicide bombers will eventually attack the U.S., Al Qaeda terrorists are hoping to blow up a bunch of apartment buildings, and some Palestinians were planning to destroy Israel’s tallest buildings, but were foiled. Hey, at least they were foiled, right? Yeah, but remember what happened the last time terrorists tried and failed to bring down a couple of big buildings? Yeah. These f**kers are persistent.

Alas, we live in a depressing world. But here’s something to be happy about: hurricane season is almost underway! Okay, maybe you don’t find that uplifting, but for a weather fanatic like me, it means that six months of Weather Channel-watching excitement are right around the corner. And best of all, this year’s list of hurricane names includes Bertha! I’ve been hit by two consecutive Berthas, in 1990 (while vacationing on Nova Scotia’s Cape Breton Island) and in 1996 (at home in Connecticut). They recycle the names every six years, you see. So that means it’s time for another Bertha!

Anyway, it should be fun. Let’s just hope nobody gets hurt. I like big, beautiful hurricanes that stay out to sea!!! The season begins June 1. :)