Yesterday, when the FBI announced that New York City was under a new terror threat, I received two “breaking news” e-mails from different news organizations, telling me what had happened.

Today, when D.C. police found Chandra Levy’s body, I received three.

CNN keeps showing us live pictures of Lady Liberty, as if they expect her to blow up at any moment. Meanwhile, India and Pakistan are “very close” to war. Aren’t they always?

If you’ve been watching CNN or visiting its website lately, you could be excused for believing that every American will inevitably suffer one of two fates this summer: we’ll either be blown up by terrorists, or eaten by sharks.

However, CNN is giving us some calming news on at least one front: Al Qaeda did not attend the “terror summit” in Beirut, contrary to what ABC News said earlier. So maybe Osama isn’t really conspiring with Hamas and Hezbollah to wreak havoc at the Hello Deli. Then again, maybe he is. As Tom Ridge says, we must be “vigilant.” (What does that mean, anyway?)

Meanwhile, the Ashcroft Justice Department is actually suing someone over the 2000 election in Florida. And, in cola-related news, Coca-Cola is apparently racist, and some Iranian company is now selling “Islamic” Coke. (Does that mean Vanilla Coke is officially a drink for infidels?)

An ABC News exclusive: Leaders of terror groups, including al Qaeda, Hamas and Hezbollah, recently met in Lebanon and may be plotting attacks on Americans, intelligence officials say.

But here’s some good news: Coconuts are deadlier than sharks.

Let’s see… what the best way to ostracize an elementary-schoolgirl and scar her for life? Well, how about this: Kick her out of school because her mother is a stripper, then let her back in for the last three weeks of the year so she can face the ridicule of her peers. Yeah, that should work pretty well.

I have no problem with Christians, per se. Technically, I am one. But there are a whole lot of Christians, and Christian institutions in particular, in this country and this world, that desperately need to get a clue.

The New York Daily News, usually the more liberal of New York’s two daily tabloids, gleefully reported yesterday on the controversy ignited by its archrival, the usually Bush-friendly New York Post, whose front page on Thursday stated that “BUSH KNEW” about the Sept. 11 attacks (or, at least, that he knew enough to stop them).

Ari Fleischer, Bush’s press secretary, was none too pleased with the Post’s phraseology, especially after Sen. Hillary Clinton (herself usually a prime target for Post criticism) quoted the Post on the Senate floor! According to the Daily News, Fleischer said Clinton “immediately went to the floor of the Senate and, I’m sorry to say, that she followed that headline and divided,” rather than uniting, the nation.

Post editor in chief Col Allan “did not return a phone call from the Daily News yesterday,” the Daily News reported Saturday. Now THERE’S a real shocker.

John Dean says he knows who Deep Throat is! (The Watergate informant, not the recently deceased porn star.) Is anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? Could it be… John Dean???

Just wanted to clear that up. My latest rant…

Last night on CNN’s “NewsNight,” anchor Aaron Brown made a remarkable statement at the top of the show that essentially amounted to an apology for doing too much coverage of the Robert Blake case on the previous night’s show. I happened to catch it live, and I found a transcript today. Here is the transcript.

Abducted BBC reporter Alan Johnston is released in Gaza after more than 100 days in captivity, The Associated Press and Reuters report.

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