Congo capital gripped by penis panic

Posted without comment:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. …

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure. …

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. …

Kinshasa’s police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters…, “When you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’?”

(Hat tip: Becky.)

35 Responses to “Congo capital gripped by penis panic”

  1. Anonymous says:

    How many ‘penis thefts’ does it take before there is officially a panic? I say one.

  2. JD says:

    Dare I ask how or why Becky stumbled upon this?

  3. Brendan says:

    Heh. Fark, I think.

  4. jalypso says:

    Seeee, Brendan your not alone!!!

  5. Jay Johnson says:

    Google Alert for “penis news” perhaps?

  6. Wobbly H says:

    Yep. She was looking for some pictures of black dong.

  7. Joe Loy says:

    Oh so it’s “gripped”, are they? I’ll just Bet they are.

    Rumors of penis theft…quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

    Yeah. And/Or, bearing bags of penises.

    But the linked article gives a clue to the Real story here: like everything else, it’s Political:

    Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

    Hmm. / Talk about yer Terrorism. Brrrrr. ;> I say these claims should be put to the testes. Uh, scrutinized. ;}

  8. jalypso says:

    Most men should have with african gene

    should worry!!!Maybe african ancestory was

    a curse that shrink big King Kong penis!!!

    Noooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. copndor says:

    I’m kind of suprised that everyone just assumes that there’s absolutely no truth to this story. Is this story really any less believable than “Vice President Shoots Supporter in the Face,” for example?

  10. gahrie says:

    I’ve got to hand it to you copndor…you never miss a chance to launch a cheap shot at the Bush Administation..even if it’s totally off topic and unrelated.

  11. jalypso says:

    Hey this is a off topic administation!!!

    Go ahead copndor never mind the cursed


  12. copndor says:

    You’re projecting your own inability to rise above the political fray, gahrie. My point here has nothing to do with the Bush Administration. The point is that no one even begins to take this Congo story seriously. In fact, I think it’s pretty ridiculous myself. Why is that? It’s not such a crazy story. Lots of folks in our own culture believe crazy stories in the media. People in our own culture believe in demon possessions and supernatural healings. In fact, I do myself to a certain extent. And we’ve got crazy stories about both the natural and the supernatural in our own media. But why is it that we all don’t take a story from the Congo, which is clearly tied to their local religious practices, seriously. I’m not saying we should. I’m just wondering why it’s so unananimous that we don’t.

  13. jalypso says:

    Because its center around penis! Thats serious. So serious! This would over

    shadow the Bush Administration hands down

    any day!!!

  14. Joe Loy says:

    “I’m kind of suprised that everyone just assumes that there’s absolutely no truth to this story.”

    Well so you may Be, o thou newly consonant-heavy copndor; but I for My part am not one Bit surprised to find that I (for my Part) (so to Speak :) assume no such Thing :>.

    After all, I am the man who long years ago took my Son & Wife on a Pilgrimage (as it Were :) to the occult precincts of “Salem Village” [which actually are nowadays to be found in the town of Danvers], Massachusetts, in whose official Bookstore I was puzzled to discover innumerable dry academic Tracts setting forth every conceivable learned historical Explanation for the infamous Witchtrials, but One: namely, that ‘t’was the Devil made them Do it. (mmWAA-ha-haaaa! :)

    So, if it’s possible that Beelzebub [Himself ;] contrived to engulf colonial New England (not to mention, all of Europe) (“all of Europe” :) in a Murderous mass hysteria such a relatively Short while ago, I cannot make out why it should be so outlandish to think that the selfsame Old Nick might venture to shrink a little dick in Kinshasha today, just for Fun. ;>

  15. gahrie says:


    Bullshit. You could have compared the story to Batboy, or as you did in your second post, people’s religious beliefs. Instead you chose to refer to a true story that reflects badly on someone in the Bush administration.

    What you did was as legit as if I had tried to compare the Congo story to the people that believe that Obama never heard any of Wright’s offensive sermons.

  16. Nameless One says:

    Gahrie, friendly recommendation, you really should see a therapist or other professional for your feelings of persecution and paranoia. Its ok, you don’t have to live that way, life isn’t some vast left wing conspiracy out to get out.

  17. David K. says:

    What you did was as legit as if I had tried to compare the Congo story to the people that believe that Obama never heard any of Wright’s offensive sermons.

    Well no it wouldn’t. Cheney DID shoot someone in the face, Obama MIGHT have heard some of the sermons. There really is a substantive difference there.

  18. Brendan says:

    Dude, the fact that Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face is freakin’ funny. It is acceptable to use in ANY context, poliitcal or not. It is also not a substantive criticism of the Bush Administration. It’s simply making fun of Dick Cheney for shooting a guy in the face. Gahrie is wound way, way too tight on this.

  19. gahrie says:

    OK…I called someone on a cheap shot…I am called paranoid.

    Remember this the next time copndor takes a cheap shot.

  20. gahrie says:

    It is the fact that the Cheney story is true that makes it so inapt. He’s comparing a true story to an incredulous story. How is that appropriate in any way, except as a chance at a cheap shot?

  21. Brendan Loy says:

    It’s just funny.

    Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face.


  22. Joe Mama says:

    Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!

  23. Brendan Loy says:

    P.S. It’s not a “cheap shot” because it’s not actually a criticism of the Bush Administration. It’s just making fun of the fact that DICK CHENEY SHOT A GUY IN THE FACE.

    That this distinction eludes you suggests that you’re a little too defensive about the Bush Administration. When people used to casually, and without regard to context, make fun of Bill Clinton for his love of the ladies or of McDonald’s, or his “I didn’t inhale” comment, were they necessarily taking “cheap shots” at the Clinton Administration? Or might they have just been making light of stuff that was freakin’ funny?

  24. Brendan Loy says:

    LOL Joe Mama.

    Milk was a bad choice!

  25. Joe Mama says:


    I’m afraid I have to agree with Condor and Brendan on this one — the reference to Cheney’s hunting accident, while perhaps indicative of Condor’s predilection for raising incidents embarassing to the current administration, is not a cheap shot. I think you are being a little hyper-sensitive here . . . of course, you’re not the only one who has the hiney-hairs wound a little too tightly when certain nerves are touched with respect to “your guy.”

  26. Aaron says:

    “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

    I really like that line… even though I think it’s basically untrue.

  27. JT says:

    I’ve known a few guys that had their balls taken by girls. In fact I’m sure we’ve all had a friend rendered ball-less by a young woman.

  28. Brendan says:

    My diploma from Notre Dame says “testes” on it.

  29. Nameless One says:

    Gahrie, gahrie, gahrie, you are still missing the point. If you were someone in say Britain or Australi and a friend came up to you and said “I read this thing in the paper where the bloody American vice-president just shot some dude in his face!” you would probably react with extreme skepticism because it sounds so absurd on its face.

  30. Alasdair says:

    Brendan – tell me that *you* didn’t wince and/or cross your legs instinctively in Latin class when you got to the part in Caesar’s Gallic Wars where he describes having the witnesses crushed … {testis, testis m. Latin (plural testes) a witness}

  31. Sandy Underpants says:

    I would have completely ignored this article if not for the 30 comments (and absence of Jeremiah Wright threads), and let me say, I should not have been as surprised as I am to find a heated debate about Dick Cheney attached to a Congo voo-doo penis shrinking article.

  32. KG2V says:

    The VPs gun has STILL killed less the Teddy’s cars

  33. copndor says:

    Sextus molestus testis est.

  34. copndor says:

    Actually, I think this is grammatical:

    Sextus molestus testes est.

  35. copndor says:

    Actually, I don’t think that one is grammatical either. In any case, those Romans were perverts!