Joe Larson, a student at Saint Joseph’s College in Rensselaer, Indiana, explains why setting two Hummers on fire is a better use of $100,000 than four years of college education. Excerpt:

Even the most diehard of educational zealots must recognize that they’re paying excessive amounts of money for instruction by the sort of people you wouldn’t let into your house without the intervention of delousing powder and possibly a fire hose. Most professors are either burned-out hippies or hippies still in the process of burning out, although the political alignment of faculty members has little to do with overt bias but much to do with the fact that most conservatives are already in the workforce gutting feral pigs. By definition, a professor is someone who isn’t smart enough to graduate, although the politically correct terminology is “ongoing education� in the same sense that bed-wetting is “creative urine distribution.� These professors will encourage you to cultivate your own opinions, much like cigarette smoke encourages you to cultivate lung cancer. You won’t recognize the ill effects of this false sense of intellectual security until you find yourself chained to a tree, proclaiming that all world currencies should be abolished in favor of a barter system centered around corn chips. To avoid such scenarios, never trust anyone who graduated college before the invention of the Internet. Instead, pursue your own path to academic enlightenment. Reading books and discussing other viewpoints may be the traditional way to expand your horizons, but you could widen your perspective just as much by sniffing paint fumes and watching Wheel of Fortune.

And so forth. The column, by the way, is titled “College is a Waste of Time, Money, and Lots of Sperm.” Read the whole thing. (Hat tip: Fark.)