CheerleaderSex: “hot lesbian action” theory revived!

Following up on HotCheerleaderLesbianSexGate, the story that captivated the blogosphere (or at least its horny heterosexual male contingent) last fall, The Smoking Gun has obtained the police reports from the incident, including witness statements which seem to cast a considerable amount of doubt on the ex-cheerleader Angela Keathley’s claim that fellow ex-cheerleader Renee Thomas was merely “comforting her” after she ran into an ex-boyfriend at Banana Joe’s bar in Tampa last November. This statement is particularly, um, compelling:

Amanda Miner stated that she was in the ladies restroom waiting to use the restroom when she noticed that two females were engaged in what she believed to be sexual activity in one of the bathroom stalls. Miner said that defendant Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was over the stall wall. She observed Keathley’s facial expressions and saw her eyes rolling back into her head. Miner said that Keathley was moaning as a person does during sexual activity. Miner further stated that one of the girls that was in the front of the line looked over the stall wall and told everyone that one of the girls was “Going Down” on the other.

Well, hey, maybe she was comforting her, come to think of it. That’s one way to take a person’s mind off an old flame! :)

Renee Thomas, left, and Angela Keathley, right: Did they or didn’t they?

Actually, the best part of the police report is what comes immediately after the above-quoted excerpt. The officer summarizing the witness’s statement felt the need to clarify: “‘Going Down’ is slang for oral sex.” Heh.

Anyway, that version of events (corroborated by two other witness statements) certainly doesn’t seem to jive with the ex-cheerleaders’ insistence that there was “no sex” (unless perhaps they’ve retained Bill Clinton as counsel), and that the “moaning” heard by the people waiting in line was really the sound of the traumatized Keathley crying. Standing on top of a toilet and letting your eyes roll back in your head does not seem the most obvious way to react to being “emotional” after running into an ex-boyfriend… but the hotties are sticking to their guns:

“My client has previously denied that any sexual activity ever took place in that bathroom stall and she denies it again,” [Thomas’s lawyer] Pete Anderson said Wednesday. “The sex never happened. The police reports released on Wednesday were based upon witness statements that are simply not credible. We believe a number of other witness statements were taken where the individuals denied that the cheerleaders were having sex.” Anderson said Keathley and her lawyer joined in the statement.

Seriously, Angela and Renee… it’s not too late to reconsider that Penthouse offer…

Previous blogospheric discussion of the Smoking Gun statements can be found here. As you can see, I’m several weeks behind the curve on this one; the reports appeared on The Smoking Gun on February 1, but I only found out about it just now, by chance. (Surely someone must have seen this. No e-mail tips? Throw me a freakin’ bone here! :) Sorry for the delay… but “better late than never” is my philosophy, particularly when the topic is hot NFL cheerleaders allegedly having lesbian sex in a public bathroom stall.

Oh, and if anyone is offended by my coverage of this story… uhh… sorry… but, well, you know what I said about the “horny heterosexual male contingent” of the blogosphere? Yeah, well, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I’m not still a part of that contingent. :) Anyway, I promise I won’t post anything else about this story… until something else awesome happens… :)

6 Responses to “CheerleaderSex: “hot lesbian action” theory revived!”

  1. Angrier and Angrier says:

    The only thing hotter than hot lesbian cheerleader action in a bathroom stall is sticking your head over the bathroom stall to watch it. Yowza!

  2. Alasdair says:

    Sounds like the voice of experience, there …

    So – A&A – do you often frequent the Ladies’ Room ?

    (innocent smile)

  3. dcl says:

    it would seem to me and my non legal training that by, in open court, admitting to sticking their heads over the stall the witness have potentially admitted to some sort of crime themselves… I mean it would seem that that sort of behavior would or should be illegal… you know peeping tom sort of activities that get you into criminal mischief type troubles.

  4. Angrier and Angrier says:

    I’m just saying it sounds hot.

  5. Joe Loy says:

    So was dcl :)

  6. gahrie says:

    I’m really not understanding this. I think we need to have one of those TV re-enactments, with Kirsten Dunst and Sandra Bullock in the two main roles……