Vigorous efforts to defend marriage from Britney Spears have evidently failed.

Reading Al Gore’s Bush Gulag speech was bad enough, but then I realized something even worse: as the most recent Democratic nominee for president — indeed, as the guy who won the national popular vote in 2000, and who was, according to the standard liberal orthodoxy, “robbed” of the presidency — Gore will undoubtedly be given a plum spot to speak at the convention.

The more I thought about it, the worse it got. Because then I realized, not only will Gore undoubtedly speak, but so, just as certainly, will Howard Dean. The Dems need to woo the Deaniacs away from Nader, after all, so surely they will give Hollerin’ Howard a turn at the podium.

And then, of course, there is Ted Kennedy, who I suppose will practically be the master of ceremonies, considering the convention is in Boston, and the nominee is his good buddy and fellow senator from Massachusetts.

Al Gore, Howard Dean, and Ted Kennedy. I wouldn’t be surprised if they give Nancy Pelosi a turn, too. I can at least hold out some hope that Kucinich and Sharpton might be kept off-stage, but even if so, it’s going to be an unmitigated disaster. I can easily forsee the 2004 Democratic convention being the equivalent of the 1992 Republican fiasco. It may be Bush who gets a post-convention boost from Kerry’s coronation.

Then, a month later, the GOP will undoubtedly trot out Ahnold, Rudy, and a host of other likable moderates, leaving the right-wing undesirables who actually run the national party backstage — an art they perfected in 2000. (Make no mistake: John Ashcroft won’t even be in the building.) Then, of course, there will be the video tributes to Ronald Reagan, Todd Beamer and Pat Tillman. Say it with me, Dubya: “Let’s roll.”

Oh, the humanity.

Unless the media really does lay off its wall-to-wall convention coverage (as it has been threatening to for the last several election cycles), it’s not hard to imagine Bush up by solid double-digits by the time both conventions are done.

UPDATE: Oh yeah, and let’s not forget Zell Miller. Ahnold and Rudy and Zell, oh my!

I was pretty convinced, when I first read it, that this bit of irresponsible Al Gore hyperbole would be the most outrageous vice-presidential statement of the day:

President Bush, meanwhile, continues to place the blame for the horrific consequences of his morally obtuse policies on the young privates and corporals and sergeants [at Abu Grahib] who may well be culpable as individuals for their actions, but who were certainly not responsible for the policies which set up the Bush Gulag and led to America’s strategic catastrophe in Iraq.

But then I read about what the current vice president, Dick Cheney, said to Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT) on the Senate floor:

F*** you.

No, really, he said that. Or maybe it was “Go f*** yourself.” Whichever it was, Cheney’s spokesman won’t say. He confirmed only that there was a “frank exchange of views.”

For the record, “frank” is not the word bleeped above. :)

Blogger Martin Devon thinks it’s understandable, though: “Every time I hear Leahy talk on TV he goads me into a ‘frank exchange of views’ with the teevee set. I understand that many on the left have the same feeling about Cheney, so there you go.”

UPDATE: More on Cheney’s F-bomb. And here I always thought he was more of an H-bomb kind of guy.

UPDATE UPDATE: The Washington Post swore!

The Post article points out that, late last year, when Kerry allegedly used the F-word in describing Bush’s Iraq policy, Andy Card said, “That’s beneath John Kerry. I’m very disappointed that he would use that kind of language. I’m hoping that he’s apologizing at least to himself, because that’s not the John Kerry that I know.”

On a side note:

There is no rule against obscene language by a vice president on the Senate floor. The senators were present for a group picture and not in session, so Rule 19 of the Senate rules — which prohibits vulgar statements “unbecoming a senator” — does not apply, according to a Senate official. Even if the Senate were in session, the vice president, though constitutionally the president of the Senate, is an executive branch official and therefore free to use whatever language he likes.

USA Today, having reviewed all the time-tested bellweathers for predicting presidential races, announces that Bush and Kerry are both going to win. Or something. (Hey! More evidence for an Electoral College inversion!)

From Fark, regarding this story: “Supreme Court allows Dick Cheney to duck those hunting his energy task-force files. Quack quack.” Heh.

A major hat tip to Andrew for comment-posting Christopher Hitchens’s scathing review of Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11, throughout which, Hitchens says, “Moore is having it three ways and asserting everything and nothing”:

Fahrenheit 9/11 is a sinister exercise in moral frivolity, crudely disguised as an exercise in seriousness. It is also a spectacle of abject political cowardice masking itself as a demonstration of “dissenting” bravery.

(more…)

BoiFromTroy has exclusive breaking news regarding once-and-future(?) USC wide receiver Mike Williams:

While most of Los Angeles sports fans are glued to their SportsRadio for talk about the pending trade of Shaquille O’Neil to the Dallas Mavericks, rumors are beginning to float about another noteworthy announcement coming during the noon lunch hour.

When he goes on KMPC 1540 at 12:20 PM, will USC Wide Receiver Mike Williams announce his successful reinstatement? Rumors broke late yesterday that he has gotten a provisional thumbs up from the NCAA, although no official announcement has been made.

Here is what the linked rumor states:

Its official!! the NCAA has given Mike an oppurtunity to be reinstated. Mike has to start school on [Wednesday] at SC and get no less than a B in his 2 summer classes. So the ball is now in Mike’s court.

If you have Real Player, you can listen live to KMPC 1540. (I am.)

UPDATE, 12:35 PM: Williams confirms that he is flying back to L.A. and will be starting summer school at USC next week. But it sounds like he is not officially reinstated yet; he is going to have to take the classes and continue with the process. He says there is no specification regarding what grades he has to get; he just has to do well enough to prove to the NCAA that he is serious about being a student. “Everything is going in the right direction, but I still…have my fingers crossed, I guess,” he said.

UPDATE, 12:45 PM: Here is a recording of the entire interview in WAV format: mikewilliams.wav (5 MB, 10 min. 59 sec.). (Note: This recording is provided as a public service only, for the benefit of those who may have missed the show, and will be gladly removed if the copyright owners so request.)

UPDATE: The AP reports:

Wide receiver Mike Williams is enrolled at Southern California for summer school, but there’s no word from the NCAA on whether he will be allowed to play college football next season.

Williams, who was kept out of the NFL draft by the courts, starts school next week, school spokesman Tim Tessalone said Thursday.

But Tessalone said the university hasn’t heard from the NCAA on Williams’ status.

“It’s ultimately the NCAA’s decision,” he said.

Dear Abu Musab al-Zarqawi & co.,

Is that the best you can do, you callous, inhuman bastards?

You think you’re going to stop the Iraqi people from achieving self-government by killing a bunch of them? You think murdering your fellow Muslims — your own people — will win you public support in Iraq, or anywhere else?

You think we’re going to back down? You think we’re going to cut and run now, to abandon the good people of Iraq and leave them to be governed by you?

Think again.

You’re desperate. You feel cornered. We can tell. You know you’re losing. So do we.

Freedom will prevail.

Sincerely,
America

Blogger Tom Maguire suggests “a Congressional investigation into the timing and content of John Ashcroft’s press conferences.” Heh. (Read the whole thing to find out what the heck he’s talking about.) He’s not going far enough, though: I call for numerous, overlapping investigations into the timing and content of John Ashcroft’s press conferences. :)

And since I’m stealing that link from Instapundit (not to mention stealing a joke from my dad), I might as well steal this link from Insty, too:

Congratulations, law school graduate! You’ve taken the first step on your path towards fortune and glory, and that throbbing sensation where your soul used to be won’t bother you a bit in the years to come. …

After dropping as much as $100,000 and spending three years obtaining a law degree, you probably don’t know enough law to practice it professionally; most law school graduates don’t. Now perhaps you’re wondering: if the point of law school was not to prepare you for the practice of law, just what was the point of law school? Easy: the point of law school was to make money for the law school. Mission accomplished! Oh, and as a secondary matter, the point of law school was to flatter the egos and delusions of the brainiacs who teach there. And that, young law school graduate, is why you can pontificate at endless length on theories of critical legal deconstructionist realism as touching upon Marxist feminist radical queer Afro-Latino post-structural comparative gender issues, but you still can’t write a damn will.

Heh. It goes on.

Let’s hear it for campaign-finance reform!

Tim Stevens has four new movie reviews for y’all: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Chronicles of Riddick, The Terminal, and Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.

Adrienne has a funny joke, but it’s not family-friendly, so parental discretion is advised; click at your own risk. :)

Last night, I dreamed that I was in my first law-school class at Notre Dame (sitting next to Sean; go figure), during which I was censured by the professor not once, not twice, but three times, for various different offenses, until finally I was tossed out of class — becoming the sacrificial lamb to the 1L gods — because I admitted to having not done my reading the night before (apparently we had somehow been given a reading assignment prior to our first class, but I had missed the memo even though everyone else seemed to know about it).

Really, though, none of this was my fault; the professor was clearly picking on me. I felt rather like Harry Potter in Snape’s class. :)

After class, I had a one-on-one encounter with the Evil Professor of Death, in which I apologized for my various infractions. But instead of accepting my apology, he stated that I was just a crappy student and a crappy person and he expected nothing but trouble from me. All this maybe two hours after meeting me.

No, I’m not subconsciously nervous about starting law school at all… why do you ask? :)

(I should point out that, as I recall, my one-on-one encounter with the prof inexplicably took place near the front steps of an ornate, medieval-looking castle; also, during part of the class, we were in a swimming pool for some reason. But what do you want from me? It was a dream; dreams are weird sometimes. :)

Is it Edwards?

Five years ago today, on June 22, 1999, I graduated high school.

I can’t believe it’s been half a decade already! :)

The Newington High School Class of ‘99 went out with, as I wrote at the time, “a bang, a hoot and a holler… recalling the past and looking to the future but mostly just celebrating the present.”

You can view photos, listen to sound clips, and read excerpts from my article about the ceremony, all on my old website.

And now, a few photographic shout-outs to the ‘99ers who are frequent commenters and/or fellow bloggers here:

Sean (the salutatorian)

Tim (the class president)

Jen (at left; frequent Jen-blog commenter Sara is at right)

And let’s not forget Marel, who, while perhaps not a frequent commenter per se, does occasionally pop in:

Oh, and another thing. Happy Anniversary to Josh, who is the guy at left in this Two Towers arrangement surrounding our friend Kaat in the photo below:

Josh got married one year ago today: