Whether or not Google’s Gmail turns out to be an April Fool’s joke, there are plenty of definite jokes going around. For instance, from the BBC: Earth to be renamed ‘Gandalf’:

Astronomers have decided to rename the planets of the Solar System after characters from Lord of the Rings.

“The committee reviews the names of the planets every 50 years and we thought it was time for a change.”

Heh. Alas for Pluto, which will be called “Sauron.”

And the Moon, it seems, will be named “Gollum.” Which makes me wonder: will the “dark side of the Moon” be called “Smeagol”?

Speaking of The Lord of the Rings generally, and Gollum/Smeagol specifically, an anonymous BrendanLoy.com source sends along this proposed TV pilot for “CSI: Middle-Earth” — a Hollywood April Fool. :) View the extended entry to read it…

CSI: MIDDLE-EARTH
Pilot
Pilot Episode: “Murder In Mirkwood”

Exec. Producer: Barliman Butterbur
Casting Director: Gollum Smeagol
Interviews: Today

Please note, due to severe time contraints placed by the producers on casting there will be only 5 minutes notice given for agents to get clients to the appointments. Be on your ‘toes’ and wizard your clients to us.

LOCATION: Valencia and New Zealand

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY ONLY ASAP TO: GOLLUM SMEAGOL HOBBITSWEHATESTHEM CASTING

NOTE: In this pilot, a great television franchise is united with a great cinematic franchise, and the forensic science skills of the CSI team travel to the fantastic worlds of Toodor, Fordor, and Doggydor. Due to the nature of this project, please submit only performers with NO ETHNICITY WHO CAN LOOK AND SOUND TYPICALLY BRITISH! ALSO NOTE: The tone of this project is fantastic, amazing and unbelievable – but at the same time urban, gritty and streetwise.

[LIEUTENANT DON DALF THE PAISLEY] The head of the CSI team, 40 to 50, serious, authoritative, grimly intelligent, a wizard with both a wand and a microscope, he is the head of the CSI team in Middle-Earth, dressed like he staggered in from some low-rent Renaissance Pleasure Faire (as are all the Series Regs) — but with a badge, too. In charge of a multi-ethnic police squad that includes wizards, elves, dwarves and hobbits, Don investigates homicides in all the assorted provinces of Middle-Earth, often uncovering conspiracies by renegade wizards. In the pilot episode, the discovery of a dead troll in the forest of Mirkwood leads the CSI team to uncover what initially appears to be an attempt by Snoreon to infiltrate his army of Orcs into The Shire…SERIES REGULAR; Prototypes: John Gielgud, Dennis Franz, or some wonderful combination of both.

[DETECTIVE ENRON] An elf whose past has been blighted by a dreadful financial scandal, Enron is 25, male, androgynous, long-haired, good with both arrows and wound channels, expert at re-creating both violent crimes and acts of minor magic. Desperate to atone for the infamous peculations attributed to the House of Enron, he’s erratically volatile and remarkably brave, plunging wildly into the untrodden Forest of Mirkwood in search of a troll killer…SERIES REGULAR

[DETECTIVE BIMBO] 18 to 23, this attractive female hobbit is petite with big eyes and furry ears and is tired of the jokes about her name. Despite her unfortunate monicker, she’s tough, intelligent, astute and insightful, expert at hunting murderers and very good at cleaving orcs in half with her sword. Newly promoted from The Lab to The Field, Bimbo fears that Snoreon’s Orc invasion will transform her beloved Shire forever…SERIES REGULAR; WE’RE LOOKING FOR SERIOUS ACTRESSES TO PLAY BIMBO; NO BIMBOS, PLEASE

[DETECTIVE DIMLI SON OF DORK] 50 to 60, not the brightest dwarf in the fellowship, this sturdy, stocky, rotund cop is better with his fists than his brain, and he’s on the CSI team because he saved Don Dalf’s life way back when, before the Rings were forged, about 40,000 years ago…SERIES REGULAR; PLEASE SUBMIT WELSH BODYBUILDERS ONLY; NO CORNISHMEN!!!

[ORCA] The killer, this renegade Orc flees Mordor because it’s too damn ugly. A somewhat rarefied and ethereal Orc, possibly closeted, he’d like to settle down somewhere far from Minas Morgul, somewhere that’s green. On his way to The Shire, where they have nice window treatments and a decent dental plan, Orca is waylaid by a ruthless troll and is forced to fight for his life…LEAD; DO NOT SUBMIT ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE FOR THIS ROLE, HE’S AN ORC!

[LEGOLUST] 18 to 25, an Elvish prostitute, this sluttily dressed hooker is peddling her papayas in the red-light district of The Shire (they left that part of town out of the Trilogy) when she sees a struggle in Mirkwood between an Orc and a Troll…CO-STAR

[TROLL] The murder victim, male, 20s, butt-ugly. Will be seen being clubbed into pulp by a runaway Orc who’s fighting in self-defense…CO-STAR; SEND US YOUR BEST TROLLS

[SNOREON] Please submit eyeshots only, no headshots will be needed…NO GLAUCOMA!

STORY LINE: Years have passed since the War of the Rings, and defeated wizard Saruman has returned from banishment, in the lowly position of Medical Examiner in The Shire. Sensing trouble, newly elected Mayor Sam Gamgee brings in a special team to keep watch over footpath crime in The Shire: a team with the mystical magical ratings-runes that spell — CSI…