Let’s end the workday on a humorous note. First, the official Bye-ku for Edwards — which, like one of mine, makes use of the “two Americas” concept — from James Taranto’s Best of the Web:

Two Americas:
One prefers President Bush;
One likes John Kerry

Heh. Then there’s this delightful write-up of Dean’s win in Vermont, also from today’s Best of the Web:

This has got to be the most anticlimactic campaign of all time. Howard Dean riled up the Angry Left, rocketed to first place in all the polls, then lost Iowa, screamed, and lost New Hampshire. Then he lost South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico! He lost California and Texas and New York! And he lost South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan! Somewhere along the line he also lost Wisconsin and dropped out of the race. Then he went home to Vermont! And he won!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Hehehe. (Taranto does note, for accuracy’s sake, that “Dean hasn’t actually lost Texas, South Dakota or Oregon, which vote next Tuesday, June 1 and May 15 respectively. But journalism is the first draft of history, and we’re confident that by the time our final draft is due, history will have caught up to us.” Heh.)

Now that we’ve covered the blogosphere’s most cutting conservative, let’s turn to its snarkiest liberal, Wonkette. In response to Mickey Kaus’s criticisms of exit polling — in which Kaus applied his First Rule of Journalism: “Always Generalize Wildly from Your Own Experience Because You’re Not That Special” — Wonkette turns out a funny satire about, well, chicken.

It won’t make any sense if I excerpt it… so, first read the real thing, and then read Wonkette’s version.

I’m off for home now — but I plan to type up some new blog posts while riding on the bus, so stay tuned this evening! :)

My fourth and final lunch-break-update post is courtesy of my first ever “news tip” at the new tips@brendanloy.com e-mail address. An anonymous tipster alerted me to this story about the latest battle between concerned Newingtonians and the evil empire of Krispy Kreme:

Along a stretch of highway dotted with adult bookstores, gun shops and cut-rate motels, a group of residents is fighting back against a Krispy Kreme Doughnuts shop.

Now, the doughnut manufacturer wants the town to amend its permits to allow such wholesaling. Residents think that if they can cut off this revenue stream, the doughnut giant will cut and run.

Hehe. Here’s a Courant column about it, and here’s the very latest from a Google News search. Stay tuned!

UPDATE: Previous Krispy Kreme-related posts on BrendanLoy.com here and here. And here, sort of.

Two items that I’d better post now, so people will stop pestering me about them. :)

First, Mike is correct, I have been quite remiss is not posting about the discovery that Mars had water once upon a time. I was aware of this story yesterday, and it’s very cool, but I was too caught up in politics to give it a mention. It certainly merits one, though. Two or three, even.

Secondly, three people have now independently e-mailed me this story, about USC’s political mood on debate day, written by Daily Trojan reporter and CNN “Campus Vibe” correspondent Gina Goodhill. It, too, deserves a link.

Lunch-break update #2: A political roundup…

I just got an official e-mail from the Edwards campaign about a “special announcement” by John and Elizabeth Edwards at 4:00 PM EST today in Raleigh. Hmm… I wonder what that could be about…

Meanwhile, Kucinich is staying in. Sharpton isn’t sure. And some Deaniacs want their man, the Vermont victor, to jump back in the race. Which, of course, is nuts.

Kerry, for his part, is trying to avoid the spring doldrums by “planning a nonstop eight-month general election campaign” that begins now. I like the that idea, because it increases the chances that I’ll have an opportunity to see Kerry campaign here in swing-state Arizona before I move to red-state Indiana just after the convention.

Of course, Indiana could move from red state to swing state real fast if Kerry picks Evan Bayh as his veep. That’s what I’m hoping for — and we may find out relatively soon, as the same article linked above says Kerry may pick a runningmate by “late spring.” But if it doesn’t happen — if Kerry answers no to the age-old question, “To Bayh or not to Bayh” — I might just switch my registration to Arizona and keep it here (hey, I have the “intent to return”!), and vote absentee in November. Dammit, I want my vote to matter!

While we’re on the subject of Kerry, I just wanted to remind everyone that this is a family website, so never, under any circumstances, would I link to a trashy story like this.

Finally, let’s conclude with a couple more Bye-kus for Edwards, as we await the official one…

Young Johnny Edwards
His fresh face prolonged the race
But only briefly

John Edwards told us
There are two Americas
Seems he lost them both

Today’s lunch-break update starts with a letter that I just e-mailed to the L.A. County elections office. I meant to write them two weeks ago, thanking them for staying open late on the night Kristy registered, but I never got around to it. No matter — in light of all the e-voting problems, it will probably mean more now.

Anyway, here is the text of my letter. I’ll spare you the usual hard-to-read italics. (Just wait until I launch my new site design — I’ll be able to use the ‹blockquote› tag! But I digress…)

Hi,

I’m sure your office is dealing with plenty of complaints and problems this morning. My father worked in elections administration for 29 years, so I know all about the chaos that folks in your line of work always have to deal with in the aftermath of an election — all the moreso, I’m sure, because of the new electronic voting system. So let me offer a counterpoint to the ungrateful crankiness that you are probably getting from others. I, for one, am extremely grateful for the efforts that your office expended with regard to one young voter, Kristy LaPlante. Thanks to your good work, Kristy was able to vote last night for the first time in her life.

Kristy had waited until the last minute to register to vote, and as you might recall, I e-mailed this address two weeks ago — on the deadline day for registering in time for yesterday’s election — to ask how Kristy might be able to get herself registered before midnight that night, since she would be working late. You replied promptly and informatively, telling me that your office was staying open until midnight, and she could come down there and register in person.

I contacted Kristy, and she did this. If not for your dedication in staying open late that night, she almost certainly would not have been able to register in time for yesterday’s vote.

Then, when a possible problem arose in Kristy’s paperwork, you patiently (and, again, promptly) answered my questions by phone and e-mail, until we had ascertained that everything was in order and Kristy would be able to vote in person on election day.

Kristy did vote yesterday, and she even got a round of applause and cheers from her fellow voters as she dropped her ballot into the box. (She had mentioned that it was her first time voting.)

I know that you folks get a lot of flack when things go wrong and very little credit when they go right. So I wanted to make sure I let you know that there is at least somebody out there who sincerely appreciate your efforts. You have given one young person the opportunity to get involved and get excited about the political process, and that is an accomplishment you should be very proud of.

Sincerely,
Brendan Loy

The executive, legislative, and judicial branches of the USC Student Senate are at war with one another!!!

First, the “executive cabinet” yesterday vetoed the legislative Student Senate’s vote to remove President Harold Mann from office for alleged ethical violations during last week’s election, recommending instead that he apologize and take a pay cut.

(Side note: Don’t you love that the executive cabinet has a say in the impeachment process? The Daily Trojan doesn’t give us a rundown of membership on the cabinet, but as I recall, many or most of these folks are people who were appointed by the Senate president!!! In other words, they’re Mann’s friends and cronies!!! Sheesh.)

Then, the legislative Senate attempted to overturn a Judicial Council ruling that disqualified Andrew Ritter from last week’s presidential election. And — oh, this gets better and better — the meeting at which this issue was discussed was presided over by Ritter!!!

According to the Daily Trojan, “Ali Khan, Senate parliamentarian and a justice on the Judicial Council, advised senators they had no jurisdiction to overturn the decision of the council. … [A]ccording to the Senate bylaws, the Judicial Council has the final ruling.” So the Senate attempted to pass an amendment to its bylaws that would allow the Council to overruled by a two-thirds vote of the legislative branch!!!

The bylaw amendment failed, and an “appeal” of the Judicial Council ruling (appeal to whom? God?) was tabled until next Tuesday. So the legislative-judicial war is on hold. But the legislative-executive war was definitely joined yesterday. To wit…

Regarding Senate’s earlier decision to remove Mann from office, the executive cabinet said in a statement that “The punishment, we believe, is not fitting of the wrongdoing committed.”

Jordan Orsolini, director of the Senate leadership fund, commented, “Senate has followed Harold’s poor decision making with even more poor decision making.”

(President Mann’s crime, for the uninitiated, is that he attended a campaign party for one of the Senate presidential tickets, even though the sitting Senate president is strictly forbidden from endorsing a candidate to be his successor. I personally think this rule is really stupid, as is most of the Senate’s vaunted “Elections Code,” but hey, rules are rules.)

(Speaking of the election, results were supposed to be announced on Monday. It’s now Wednesday, but the Daily Trojan hasn’t printed anything about them — not a word. If the results have been delayed for some reason, DT readers haven’t been told; if somebody won the election, we have no idea who.)

Based on past experience and reading between the lines, I strongly suspect that the DT articles only scratch the surface of the enmity and sniping that’s going on among the various branches of Senate. This is nothing new (and the DT’s failure to adequately report on it is also nothing new), but it appears to have reached a rather extreme level.

One bit of evidence for this theory: commuter senator Robert Kashfian implies that opposition to Mann’s removal from office is based on a belief that he personally is above the law. “If a violation is presented, it should be taken seriously, no matter who it is,” Kashfian is quoted as saying (emphasis added).

My guess, looking at these two stories together, is that Ritter is the preferred candidate of the legislative branch, while Directo is the preferred candidate of the executive branch. (I wonder whose side Program Board is on? Probably roughly the same side as the legislative branch, that’s usually how it goes.)

Anyway… earning today’s nomination for the Excessive Melodrama award is Kashfian, who is also paraphrased as arguing, with regard to the Mann scandal, that “if the matter was not taken seriously, it would bring Senate down.” Ha! Bring Senate down? Down to where? Down to the point that it is no longer taken seriously or looked upon as a legitimate student-government entity? Oh, wait…

Jessica Marek, chief of staff for the legislative Senate, earns a nomination for the Repetitive Redundancy award by saying, “Every single possible thing was discussed.” (Also nominated in this category is the Daily Trojan itself, for a sentence that begins, “Whether or not Mann is guilty or not…”)

Finally, today’s nominee for Understatement Of The Century (also nominated in the “What Was Your First Clue?” category), the aforementioned leadership fund director Orsolini is quoted as saying, “In the eyes of most students, Senate has become a joke.”

Yeah, well, in the eyes of this alumnus, it already was a joke. It’s just cementing that status. :)

The Daily Trojan — which apparently thinks the words “precinct” and “precedent” are synonyms (heh) — reports on election-day snafus at the precincts near USC. It seems the Marks Tower polling place ran out of provisional ballots, and the Catholic Center polling place refused to provide them to voters registered outside the area:

When students such as Dan Greenspan, a sophomore majoring in communications, and Carol Anderson, a graduate student in accounting, tried to vote provisionally at Our Savior Catholic Center, they were refused ballots despite the fact that the precinct had all the supplies.

Anderson was told that she was not allowed to vote despite the fact that she showed the clerks her voter registration card and drivers license because they said they need to save their provisional voting supplies for voters in their precinct who needed to change their information.

That’s a poorly written, punctuation-challenged sentence, and it’s poorly sourced, too (did the reporter witness this alleged conversation with the clerks, or is she relying on Anderson’s account of it?) — but if I understand correctly what happened, and if it’s true, it’s outrageous and strictly illegal. Californians, as I recall, are supposed to be able to cast a provisional ballot anywhere in the state if need be. Power-tripping little old ladies at the polls do not have the right to “refuse” them ballots.

In the end, “it took Anderson and Greenspan almost two hours to vote and both were highly frustrated with the experience and discouraged with the process, but said that they will continue to vote. Greenspan took the names of all the people who had to wait to vote and plans to file a formal compliant with the secretary of state.”

Well, good.

Combined with the other problems reported yesterday, it seems clear that what California needs is a better back-up plan: more provisional ballots, more paper ballots, more advance planning and a better understanding that things will go wrong on Election Day (e.g., some electronic machines will break down; you gotta have paper ballots on hand!), the unexpected will happen (e.g. more provisional voters than you thought), and you have to be prepared for it. The core problem isn’t electronic voting machines; the problem is people, and poor decisions made by people.

Of course, printing paper ballots and provisional ballots costs money, my dad will point out. So? They don’t cost nearly as much money as the legal fees that would be entailed in the case of a disputed election. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, especially when we’re talking about a serious issue like disenfranchisement. Print the damn ballots on recycled paper, with a minimal amount of ink, if it helps. But print them and have them ready. No offense to any former elections officials in the room, but this is not rocket science.

With 100% of the precincts reporting:

Van T. Tran 19,020 (56.3%)
Mark Leyes 14,781 (43.7%)

The soon-to-be first-ever state or federal Vietnamese-American elected official in the country survives the technical difficulties and dirty tricks, and cruises to victory. Congrats, Van and Andrew!

Meanwhile, the most exciting race of the night is a two-vote contest for the Libertarian nomination in State Senate District 13. (Hi Sean :).

Andrew’s candidate, Van T. Tran, is winning in Assembly District 68, though it’s not clear what percentage of the precincts is reporting. It’s Tran 8,373 (61.6%), Leyes 5,232 (38.4%) at the moment.

Statewide, with 8.6% of the precincts reporting, Kerry has an enormous lead in CA: 67.5% to 17.8% over Edwards. Geographically, he’s winning everywhere. Meanwhile, the “annoy the media, vote for Dean” delegation did not succeed in getting their 15%. Hollerin’ Howard is at 5%, while Kucinich is at 3%.

Ahnold’s “balanced budget” initiative, Proposition 58, is passing overwhelmingly, 70% to 30%.

Bill Jones is running away with the GOP nomination for U.S. Senate.

Rohrabacher is crushing Dornan.

UPDATE: There’s a five-vote race in State Senate District 11, among other close contests.

Well, damn. The NFA curse lives on.

UPDATE: The Hartford Courant reports:

Hall-West Hartford 45, Newington 41: Kim Moynihan scored 22 points as No. 22 Hall (12-9) upset No. 11 Newington (14-7) at Newington. It was the first victory for Hall in the state tournament since 1983.

Emily Sherman added nine points for Hall. Kelly McVey led Newington with 12 points.

Fresh-faced Johnny Boy
Coulda been a contender
Now goes marching home

The last and largest state to have its say on Super Tuesday, California, is done voting.

CNN has called the presidential race for Kerry based on exit polls, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still suspense in the Golden State. You can track the fortunes of Andrew’s legislative candidate, Van Tran, here.

Kristy has voted — and she got a round of cheers and applause when she cast her ballot, having mentioned that is it was her first time voting — but she forgot to tell us in her audiopost who she voted for!

Kristy, you’re killing us here!!! :)

UPDATE: She voted for Edwards. Woohoo!

Hey, there’s honor in going down with the ship. :)

Lieberman-Edwards ‘08! (Er… ‘12!)

BrendanLoy.com Los Angeles Correspondent Kristy LaPlante votes for the first time in her life!

audio post powered by audblog

John Kerry may have wrapped up the nomination before today’s voting is even finished, but we’ve had some unexpected suspense late on this Super Tuesday. The question: would Kristy be able to find the polling place before the polls close?

BrendanLoy.com’s Los Angeles Correspondent filed two audio reports as she drove toward the polling place (at 7:04 and 7:11 Pacific time), and with less than 50 minutes before closing time, she reported that she was “very, very lost.” Drama!

But now, as of 7:21 PST, Kristy reports that she’s arrived at the polling place and is about to cast her vote.

“Who will it be?” she asks with a dramatic flair. “Kerry? Edwards? Kucinich? Stay tuned.” We’re riveted!!!