LOS ANGELES, Nov. 8 — Residents of Los Angeles were confused and frightened Thursday when small particles of water began to fall from the sky, a phenomenon that experts described as “rain.”

The “rain” intensified during the night, raising the profoundly disturbing possibility that it will be wet outside in the morning. Officials predicted thousands of traffic accidents would result from the dangerous and unprecedented situation, and Gov. Gray Davis was reportedly considering declaring a state of emergency. (A decision was expected between his breakfast fund-raiser and his brunch fund-raiser Friday morning.)

Throughout the Southland, people reported getting wet Thursday. But officials sought to soothe concerned residents, assuring them the “rain” would not last forever. “Whatever this is, I’m sure it will be over soon,” said L.A. Mayor James Hahn.

In the Inland Empire, relieved officials reported that the bizarre conditions had not reached them. “It hasn’t crossed into our territory,” said Emperor William IV. “The Inland Empire remains safe.” He added that the imperial army is on call to combat any potential threats.

The San Fernando Valley was not so lucky, however. Valley Girls reported a 12 percent spike in bad-hair days, and that number was only expected to increase Friday. Several prominent Valley separatists expressed their belief that the “rain” is some sort of deliberate retribution by Mayor Hahn for the Valley’s failed attempt to secede from Los Angeles in Tuesday’s election. “It’s never happened before, this ‘rain’ thing,” said Valley “mayor” Keith Richman. “They’re obviously doing this to us on purpose.” He went on to lambaste L.A.’s city services, predicting that no one from City Hall would show up to help the Valley dry its streets for at least three days.

Meanwhile, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Los Angeles) claimed the “rain” was part of an ongoing effort by President George W. Bush and the national Republican Party to disenfranchise black voters. Asked why such an effort would make sense two days after the election, Waters accused the questioner of being a racist and stormed off.

CNN reports that Winona Ryder “may have stole just for the thrill of it”…

Just 45 percent of California voters bothered to choose between Gray Davis and Bill Simon. The rest presumably had better things to do, like pick their noses.

But officials say it’s not terrorism. Of course, they said that about anthrax at first, too. Let’s hope they’re right this time.

Newspaper front pages and headlines from across America on Wednesday, November 6, 2002…

Boston Globe: Romney sails to victory (JPEG, 209 KB)

Hartford Courant: ROWLAND WINS A 3RD; CONGRESS UNCERTAIN (PDF, 176 KB) or (JPEG, 122 KB)

New York Times: G.O.P. COLLECTS KEY GAINS NATIONWIDE; PATAKI, JEB BUSH, ELIZABETH DOLE WIN; LAUTENBERG IN; SENATE OUTCOME CLOSE (JPEG, 88 KB)

New York Post: GEORGE III: Pataki wins landslide third term (JPEG, 48 KB)

Newark Star-Ledger: LAUTENBERG WINS THE DAY (JPEG, 126 KB)

Philadelphia Inquirer: Randell Rules (JPEG, 151 KB)

Baltimore Sun: EHRLICH WINS: 1st GOP governor since ‘66; Smith wins in Balto. Co. (JPEG, 140 KB)

Washington Post: GOP Controls Both Houses // Ehrlich Stuns Townsend for Governor (JPEG, 71 KB)

Miami Herald: A SMOOTH VOTE FOR BUSH: GOVERNOR EASILY BEATS MCBRIDE (JPEG, 103 KB)

Atlanta Journal-Constitution: Republicans roll (JPEG, 63 KB)

Cleveland Plain Dealer: Taft, GOP sweep: Governor, party grab control of statewide offices(JPEG, 128 KB)

Detroit Free Press: SHE’S THE BOSS: GRANHOLM WINS A PLACE IN HISTORY (JPEG, 135 KB)

Detroit News: Granholm triumphs, pledges to unify state (JPEG, 63 KB)

Chicago Tribune: Illinois Democrats romp / GOP seizes U.S. Senate, holds House (JPEG, 158 KB)

St. Louis Post-Dispatch: Talent wins nail-biter: GOP CAPTURES U.S. SENATE, HOLDS ON TO HOUSE / MISSOURI HOUSE ALSO GOES TO REPUBLICANS (PDF, 152 KB) or (JPEG, 147 KB)

Arkansas Democrat Gazette: Republicans add Senate control // Polls close late; chaos carries Pulaski county // Pryor follows dad to U.S. Senate win (JPEG, 173 KB)

Arizona Republic: A CLIFFHANGER: Napolitano, Salmon in mighty duel (JPEG, 147 KB)

San Diego Union-Tribune: Republicans win control of Senate // DAVIS RE-ELECTED (JPEG, 113 KB)

Please note: I am posting these newspaper front pages here for informational and archival purposes only; no commercial or copyright-infringing use is intended. If you are the copyright owner of an image displayed here and you would like to have the image removed, please e-mail me and let me know, and I will comply with your request. Thanks!

UPDATE, 5:03 AM: I just found a site with a bunch more front pages. I’ve downloaded Wednesday’s (they’ll disappear soon, to be replaced by Thursday’s), and will upload them ASAP.

UPDATE, 11/8/02, 2:14 AM: I now have more than 100 U.S. newspaper front pages, plus the front pages of 10 foreign newspapers, from Nov. 6-7 online. Just click here to start checking out the galleries.

But enough about the silly election stuff! You’re probably wondering about the coverage of the week’s really big story, the Winona Ryder guilty verdict! Well, here’s what the New York tabloids had to say:
 

The Grand Old Party is celebrating an historic victory today, and the media is declaring a “sweep” and a “landslide,” all because two Republican candidates in two states won by an average margin of less than two percent of the vote. Norm Coleman and Jim Talent, in Minnesota and Missouri, outpaced Walter Mondale and Jean Carnahan, respectively, by a combined total 79,841 votes out of more than 4 million cast. Because of which, the GOP now controls the Senate.

But I’m not whining or objecting to the headlines; I’m just observing. There’s no doubt of this election’s historic character. (Although, since this is the second midterm election in a row in which the president’s party has gained ground, I can’t help but wonder whether something in modern politics is permanently altering that old rule of thumb.) Only time will tell. Regardless of that, however, the GOP now controls the agenda in Washington, which is in itself both historic and highly significant.

This has a good side and a bad side for Democrats, and for liberals like me. The bad side, of course, is the Republicans can and will enact lots of conservative policies and appoint lots of conservative judges, and quite possibly conservative justices as well. Something tells me they won’t compromise with the Democrats much on this, considering how hard-nosed the Dems were about justices over the past year. (A short-sighted strategy on their part, methinks. Sure, you can be an a**hole and succeed while you’re in power, but if you ever lose power, you’ve left behind no reservoir of good will, nor even a sense of fair play, from which to draw concessions from the new majority. Bad idea. You gotta pick your battles. Confucius say, let Bush have the little judges, fight him on the big judges.)

But the good side is, President Bush now has no one to blame if stuff goes badly in the next two years. He suddenly just became a bit more vulnerable in 2004. The American people love “outsiders,” and that’s exactly what the Democrats are now. So, just as the Republican Revolution of 1994 helped Clinton stay in power by immunizing him from blame, the Republican Squeak-Sweep of 2002 may help nudge Bush out of power by de-immunizing him from blame.

Unfortunately, there is a huge vacuum of leadership on the Democratic side, and if someone doesn’t step up to the plate soon, we’re going to end up running a Bob Dole and losing miserably. For starters, Daschle and Gephardt don’t look too exciting at the moment. The Johns, Kerry and Edwards, have their strong points, but I’m skeptical of any candidate coming from the Senate. Successful presidential candidates tend to be governors, former governors, vice presidents, and former vice presidents — not senators.

But where are all the strong, well-known, up-and-coming Democratic governors? Rod Blagojevich, Ed Rendell and Katherine Granholm? No good; they just got elected last night, and won’t have enough time to establish themselves before the campaign begins. (Although, “Granholm for Vice President” does have a certain ring to it.) Roy Barnes? Jim Hodges? Oh wait… they lost. Gray Davis? Uh, yeah right. I like to call him “Al Gore without the charisma.” The man just barely beat Bill Simon — the worst campaigner in the history of mankind — and you want him to run for president?

(CORRECTION, Nov. 11: My fellow blogger Andrew and my dad’s friend Bob Lutts both rightly point out that Katherine Granholm was born in Canada, and thus cannot be president or vice president. Oops!)

Hmm… well, let’s look to the Northeast. There’s lots of good Democrats there, right? WRONG! All the Northeastern states have freakin’ Republican governors!!! Well, how about the South? Nothing doing — the Republicans practically reclaimed the whole damn Confederacy last night. So what does that leave us with? A bunch of senators…. and Al Gore. Personally, my big fear is the Democrats won’t be able to come up with anyone better than Gore, and they’ll nominate him basically by default. Which, considering how the last Gore campaign went, doesn’t make me terribly hopeful. Can you say “four more years”?

(UPDATE, Nov. 11: Mr. Lutz points out, and I also noticed on my own, that there is one plausible Democratic governor from the Northeast: Vermont’s Howard Dean. He appears to have some good 2004 potential — Mr. Lutts calls him a “dark horse,” which reminds me a bit of James K. Polk — and Dean-Bush would certainly be better than Gore-Bush II. But seriously, people, this four-letter name thing is getting a little old. Let’s just hope he doesn’t pick Evan Bayh as his runningmate!)

Wait, wait, I know!!!! WALTER MONDALE!!!!!

Okay, okay, maybe not. :)

(Speaking of which, I saw Norm Coleman’s acceptance speech on CNN this morning, and I gotta say, I can see why Minnesotans elected him. He just seemed like a really nice guy. Very gracious; very nice tributes to Wellstone and Mondale. And that whole “Mr. Vice President” thing in the debate was classy, too. He may be the enemy, but honestly, I kinda like him.)

Well, I’m going to stop writing now and get on with my homework… with visions of a “Mondale/Lautenberg 2004″ dancing in my head…

Mr. Bun is going to be Adollya’s next president. For real, this time.

The charismatic rabbit from M+D Room, who was declared president-elect in 2000 only to lose the election after a lost-and-found batch of votes turned his 19-vote victory into a 5-vote defeat, left no room for doubt Tuesday. Bun and his runningmate Darla received 40.1 percent of the vote nationwide, nearly 5 percent more than incumbents President Oliver and Vice President Eeyore, who received 35.3 percent, according to unofficial returns from Adollya’s national computer voting system, released moments after the polls closed at 8:00 p.m. EST.

Beck, the Geen Party challenger, scored a surprisingly strong showing with 20.4 percent — more than enough to be potentially labeled a “spoiler” by Oliver supporters. Conservative H. Ross Potsy, despite winning the online human poll, garnered just 4.2 percent among Adollyan dollies.

There were allegations that the Internet poll, which was unbinding anyway, may have been rigged by individual humans who somehow evaded the security system and voted multiple times. Potsy finished with a whopping 107 votes out of 157 cast, or 68 percent, outpacing his nearest opponent, Beck, by 77 votes. Beck received 30 votes (19 percent), Mr. Bun garnered 14 votes (9 percent), and Oliver got just 6 votes (4 percent).

Potsy’s votes in the human poll seemed to come in surges; his totals would remain steady for a long period of time, and then within a few hours, he would suddenly receive a dozen or more votes. There was also a sudden surge of votes at one point for Beck. And one online voter wrote in the poll’s “comments” section, “ha ha! i have foiled your evil attempt at justice!” Previously, someone who is believed to be the same voter had written “bleh! i got the voting early part right!,” an apparent reference to the saying “vote early and often.”

Another voter, noting Beck’s sudden surge in votes, quoted from “Casey at the Bat,” a famous baseball-related poem, the sentence, “‘Fraud!’ cried the maddened thousands, and the echo answered, ‘Fraud!’”

Potsy said he had “no reason to believe” there had been any fraud in the online poll. A spokesdolly for Beck said the candidate was “uncertain” what happened.

There have been no publicized allegations of fraud or other voting irregularities in the actual Adollyan election. (That stands in stark contrast to the human American election Tuesday, which at press time appeared to be a big mess.)

At any rate, Mr. Bun will be president regardless of how the humans voted, owing to his victory in the vote by Adollya’s sovereign dollies. At press time, Bun had not yet issued a victory statement, but was expected to do so shortly.

Adollya’s computerized voting system allows results to be tabulated almost instantaneously once the polls close at 8:00 p.m. Eastern time. The results are subject to verification by the national Election Commission, but major changes are unlikely, since the tally is not nearly as close as 2000, when the only post-election recount since the implementation of Adollya’s computer-voting system occurred. In that case, a polling-place computer whose 40 votes had accidentally never been tabulated was discovered in mid-December, and the resulting 24-vote swing flipped the election from Mr. Bun to Oliver.

Adding to the bizarre circumstances of the 2000 vote, Mr. Bun was missing at the time of the vote discovery; he vanished on Election Night after declaring victory, and did not return until Christmas Eve, at which point he learned he was not president-elect after all. Bun says he has no memory of where he was throughout his almost two-month disappearance, and the matter remains shrouded in considerable mystery (as do many aspects of Mr. Bun’s life). Security is expected to be extremely tight at all post-election rallies and events tonight involving President-elect Bun.

Without playing a game this weekend, USC moved into the Top 10 in both the Associated Press and Coaches’ polls. The Trojans, who were ranked #11 in both polls last week, are now #10 in the AP poll and #9 in the Coaches’ poll.

They were able to leapfrog up the charts because previous AP #10 and Coaches #8 North Carolina State lost Saturday and fell to #14 and #13, respectively, in the two polls. In addition, Notre Dame fell from #6 to #10 in the Coaches’ poll after also losing Saturday. The new BCS standings come out tomorrow.

Half of college football’s undefeated teams lost Saturday. BCS #3 Notre Dame, #4 Georgia, #6 Virginia Tech and #9 N.C. State all bit the dust. That leaves #1 Oklahoma, #2 Miami and #5 (soon to be #3) Ohio State, along with BCS-unranked Bowling Green (#21 in the AP poll), as the nation’s remaining unbeatens.

This clarifies the BCS picture significantly. Among Oklahoma, Miami, and Ohio State, if just two teams remain unbeaten, those two will play in the Fiesta Bowl for the national championship, and everything will be neat and tidy. If all three remain unbeaten, the Fiesta Bowl will feature Oklahoma against either Miami or Ohio State — whoever finishes higher in the BCS — with the “other” unbeaten team getting a chance to make its case for a split national championship by winning its bowl. (Could be Ohio State in the Rose Bowl, with the Pac-10 champ attempting to play spoiler.)

Speaking of the Pac-10, Washington State delivered a major setback to USC’s Rose Bowl hopes by defeating Arizona State 44-22 on Saturday. The Cougars now merely need to win 2 of their next 3 games to clinch the Pac-10 championship and a trip to Pasadena. The Trojans, on the other hand, must win all of their next three games, and root hard for Oregon, Washington, and (horror of horrors) UCLA against Washington State. Say it with me, fellow Trojans… GO BRUINS!!!!!!

In other football news, the Newington High School football team’s two-game winning streak was predictably — and, um, convincingly — snapped Friday by #1-ranked New Britain, which won by a final score of… 69-0. The Hurricanes registered more points than the Indians did yards rushing (42). But really, there’s no shame in it; New Britain is good. It’s sort of like UConn playing Miami: What do you expect? Anyway, hopefully the Indians (3-5) will have a better time next week against Platt (4-4), which lost last week to New Britain by a similar score of 70-7. A winning season is still mathematically possible, and Newington’s opponents get worse and worse from here on out. So let’s keep rooting and hoping. Go Indians!

Somebody tried to kidnap Posh Spice! Must be Al Qaeda!!!

While we’re on the topic of kidnap plots, here’s more obvious evidence that John Allen Muhammad is a TERRORIST, not some run-of-the-mill disgruntled soldier. He tried to kidnap the prime minister of Antigua!