I mean, remember when we used to play for roses, the sexiest flowers in existence? Or oranges, the tastiest and most prestigious of citrus fruits that are also good for you?

Now we’re not even hawking Planters, for Chrissakes. We’re hawking second rate ass nuts. Like the nuts that have been sitting out for months getting stained with cigarette ash at some dank barber shop doing $2 haircuts.

I am so very sad…