Casey’s friend Marshall, who periodically pollutes Casey’s otherwise levelheaded and entertaining blog with insane conspiratorial rants about how the American government is responsible for 9/11 and other such nonsense, this morning unleashed the most unintentionally hilarious rant against me that I’ve ever read:
Brendan:
What do YOU think happened?
And what do YOU think is happening?I’m guessing it’s pretty much exactly whatever Bush tells you happened, and whatever Bush tells you is happening.
You are a f***ing mindless crypto-neocon zionist petro-military-industrial complex apologist and you and all the self-satisfied, smug sheep-in-lions’-egos like you are the reason evil people get away with every lie they tell and innocent poor people are slaughtered mercilessly without even lip-service toward compassion from the so-called “free world.� It’s f***ing redneck reactionaries like you who have the luxury of scoffing at all the “chicken littles� while using those of us on the front lines in New York City as an urban shield while you cornhole eachother and compose crop-swastikas.I hope you have kids, Brendan–lots of kids. Because somebody’s going to have to go die for Cheney’s kids’ oil, and for Britain’s great Zion in Palestine. Somebody’s going to have to drive a tank made of depleted uranium into Tehran, and Moscow, to pile up naked people and sodomize them with Old Glory’s flagpole. Somebody’s going to have to continue deluding themselves into thinking America is on the side of Freedom and Liberty and Righteousness and defend it against the seething superconspiracy of Islamofascism that will always be there, trying to take it all away. And you’re the best-qualified chump I know of to raise just such worthy cannon fodder.
Commentary would be superfluous, satire virtually impossible… but my brother-in-law Sören, who rarely agrees with me about political matters — except when Marshall is on the other side of the debate — does his best:
That’s right, Brendan, you’re one of those swastika-toting Zionists, one of those redneck elitists who couldn’t care less about small-town America - you CommiNaziAnarchoTotalitarian!
Well, thanks to Marshall, we now finally know exactly where you stand ideologically, politically, socially, economically, spiritually, physically, metaphorically, anagogically, and of course also anthropomorphologically. It was time somebody unmasked you and pulled that lion’s mask from your sheep’s ego!
Frankly I am grateful that such a Truth-seer like Marshall walks amongst us to point out what is wrong with the world, ’cause I sure can’t tell what is what, seeing as I lack the insights that life on the front lines in NYC brings as a privilege . . . or should I say, a horrible burden? We all know that the prophets of Truth have always been scoffed at, sometimes stoned to death, but there is a groundswell that will rise, flood the land with the Truth, until we either decide to float on the tide of Reality or drown in it. You, Brendan, have already thrown away your life jacket, but it is still in reach, and maybe, just maybe, Marshall will be gracious enough to nudge it within reach again, if you just abstain from the sins of your crypto-neocon-zionist-petro-military-industrial-complex-apologist-redneck-reactionary Überlords who have brainwashed you so hard that their ideological soap is coming out of your mouth and blowing bubbles of lies.
Thank you, Lord Marshall, for enlightening us once again.
In other news, paranoia is still incurable.
Heh.
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Categories: Misc. Funny Stuff
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July 29th, 2006 at 2:58:58 pm
Was he (Marshall) sober when he wrote this? If so, he must be a really entertaining friend when he’s drunk.
July 29th, 2006 at 3:32:02 pm
Marshalls heart is pure and she realizes that she is apart of the
whole and not the whole part.
Her dreams will forever be eternal
because her dreams are for the whole.
When others only dream of themselves
not knowing we are all apart of
eternity.This is the truth and nothing
but the whole truth.
July 29th, 2006 at 3:42:23 pm
I don’t believe Brendan is anything
like Bush.Brendan is far more
Intelligent than he makes out.
A prick but not like Bush!!
Unless he has been Brainwashed
by some cultic leader named
Bolvi who wants the world for
himself.
July 29th, 2006 at 4:16:39 pm
If you go to Match.com and search for
“crypto-neocon-zionist-petro-military-
industrial-complex-apologist-redneck-reactionary”
A Picture of Brendan pops up.
Marshall might be onto something
or
JUST ON SOMETHING
July 29th, 2006 at 4:17:43 pm
Brendan, have you seen the latest attack against you on Casey’s website? All joking aside, this is getting a bit extreme. I think that Marshall’s hijacking the site as a platform for attacks against family members is inappropriate.
July 29th, 2006 at 5:06:49 pm
“Well, thanks to Marshall, we now finally know exactly where you stand ideologically, politically, socially, economically, spiritually, physically, metaphorically, anagogically, and of course also anthropomorphologically.”
What about ecumenicly and grammatically? (Neither of which I spelled correctly, and because I’m lazy I don’t really care.)
July 29th, 2006 at 5:41:45 pm
Finally someone said what everyone was thinking ;).
July 29th, 2006 at 5:51:37 pm
Well, Brendan, you do listen to country. And when you let your hair grow long or you get a sunburn, there are those who might say you have a red neck… Just saying. Looking for the kernel of truth in the pile of… you know.
July 29th, 2006 at 5:59:14 pm
Truly frightening that someone believes in all of that nonsense. How does one get to that point?
July 29th, 2006 at 6:05:46 pm
New conspiracy theory for you. There may be oil in Cuba…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14095881/
…Can Cuba Libre be far behind?
July 29th, 2006 at 6:15:42 pm
Paranoia or paranoid schizophrenia is a common affliction of conspiracy advocates and leader abusers, aka anarchists aka assasins. Educated insane are called eccentrics, uneducated ones merely crazy. Personal attacks reflect the mental disease process, valid arguments never require abuse, prejudice, or profanity.
July 29th, 2006 at 6:47:40 pm
Which catagory are you in oh self
righteous one?Profiler?Yeah sounds like
you got it all figured out.You have
been spending to much time with your therapist?He must have told you time
and time again you are Dr.Z from planet
moron!!!!
July 29th, 2006 at 8:50:27 pm
Damn. What do I have to smoke to get me some of that sweet, sweet crazy? and how much?
I wish I could be a crypto-neocon-zionist-petro-military-
industrial-complex-apologist-redneck-reactionary like you. *sniff*
July 29th, 2006 at 11:49:04 pm
valid arguments never require abuse, prejudice, or profanity
Hmm… well, perhaps they don’t “require” them, but sometimes abuse, prejudice and profanity happens to the best of us. :) They sometimes appear even in the midst of otherwise valid arguments. I mean, I have been known to let loose a swear word or two, now and then, when I feel passionately about something… doesn’t necessarily mean my argument is wrong. You’re right, though, in the sense that abuse, prejudice and profanity is rarely if ever helpful to the argument itself. It doesn’t make the argument automatically wrong, but it doesn’t generally help the cause. (But sometimes the abuse is just so richly deserved, and fun…)
I think it’s rather entertaining that what sent Marshall off the deep end (well… he was already there, I suppose… but what sent him into a tizzy regarding me personally) was a fairly innocuous comment that I made calling his posts “spam.” Yeah, it was an insult, but it was a fairly light one. ‘Twas a joke, for heaven’s sake! His response has been what some might call “disproportionate.” But then again, I don’t believe in proportionality, and I’m a crypto-redneck-neocon-Zionist-chickenhawk-fag (the latter is what he was implying by “cornholing,” no?) who eats Palestinian babies for sport, so… bring it on! :)
July 29th, 2006 at 11:53:38 pm
P.S.
He must have told you time and time again you are Dr.Z from planet moron!!!!
Oh, snap!
Good one,
jalypsoCorner RatKing Kong, good one. You sure told him!Hey, I just had an idea…
VOTE MARSHALL & JALYPSO IN 2008!!! Elect the inmates to run the asylum!
July 30th, 2006 at 2:21:03 am
disproportionate Brendan? are you calling Marshall’s right to defend himself from your agressive and continuing terrorist attacks!?!?
July 30th, 2006 at 7:27:27 am
wow– with the Tv summer hiatus I have to say this is entertaining
July 30th, 2006 at 11:23:43 am
“…on the front lines in New York City”
ROFLMAO
Just back from the City, thank God I didn’t fall into Marshall’s gutt….er trench that is, yeah, trench.
July 30th, 2006 at 2:06:24 pm
Typical far FAR left wing elitism. Anyone not in NY is a red neck corn eatin’ fool. I’m sorry you had to deal with that Brendan. He is a scary scary individual. You are nothing if not a pretty straight shooter.
July 30th, 2006 at 5:30:08 pm
Could be worse…
You could be a “neckless industrial-ComiCon pianist with a petrel-mutilatory-apologist complex�
those are the worst.
July 30th, 2006 at 9:51:37 pm
Richie Rich - Brendan may be a number of things, including ’straight”, but he *ain’t* “pretty” !